I was pretty sure I was a badass.

Being several weeks into my cycling career I was pretty sure I was a natural, destined for road race glory. I was going to rival Lance. I've got the Big C story. I'm a cycling animal. The yellow jersey was in my sight. Then two things happened. First, I rode with some in-shape, competitive people. They totally dusted me. I saw them as we clipped in and started off and then only saw this:

Notice you can't even see the people I'm trailing.

Secondly, the Tour de France started this week. As with all honed athletes, studying video is imperative. I've been watching to note strategy, body geometry, gear, learn the lingo, etc. Unfortunately those guys are entirely not human so my point of comparison quickly vanished. Consider some of these stats from "You versus the Peloton":

• Average speed on flat terrain: 17–18 mph (you); 25–28 mph (pro rider) 
• Average speed on mountainous terrain: 9–10 mph (you); 21–25 mph (pro) 
• Estimated average watts at threshold: 170–220 (you); 405–450 (pro) 
• Miles ridden in a week: 75–140 (you); 700–800 (pro) 
• Calories consumed on a ride: 200–450 (you); 4,000–5,000 (pro) 
• Bottles of water consumed (three-hour ride): 2–3 (you); 4–20 (pro) 
• Hours of riding on a rest day: 0 (you); 2–3 (pro) 
• Hours of sleep a week: 40–50 (you); 70 (pro) 

They go 25 miles per hour. Up. The freakin' alps?! I must give myself some credit though. I could totally take on any one of those bike geeks in the hours of sleep per week category.

Considering I'm not going to be participating in the Tour de France 2013, help me at least be a badass in raising money for cancer research and give support here.